Change Clothes

I have some trifling grievances to air with the clothing industry. Not even a tiny bit sorry about this level of petty.

  1. Cheap women’s clothing: I have recently found this highly scientific article that explains why my clothes fall apart to tiny shreds and moth-eaten pieces long before Husbeast’s clothes get the slightest signs of wear. The gist of it is- women’s clothing departments have to produce a higher number of silhouette options, pattern and color options, and size options than men’s clothing departments, so they usually use cheaper quality fabrics to do so. That really irks me because I am so much harder on my clothes than Husbeast (lots of pointy bits and wrestling beasts in my line of work), so it would be great if my clothes stood up to the test of time as well as his, if not better.
  2. Toddler Girl’s Underwear: Little girl underwear is cute. But there’s this obnoxious elastic “lace” at the edges that cuts of circulation AND unravels within 3 days of purchase, and the booty coverage is laughable. Not to mention, per item #1, the material is super thin and rips easily. Contrast, if you will, to the thick, soft cotton of little boy underwear, that has ample booty coverage and not a lick of pinchy exposed elastic anywhere. Photo of actual underwear in my house, purchased within a few days of each other and worn with interchangeable preference by Punkadoodle.
  3. Capsule Wardrobes: I am on the minimalism/essentialism bandwagon. I really am. Except with clothes. Because, see reason number 1, I need options should an angry kitty come to work tomorrow and shred one of my work shirts. Also, I dress very differently at work (casual professional) and at home/play (wannabe hippie/boho casual). I realize I could just have two capsules, one for work and one for play, but then I would also need a cold version of both and a warm version of both, and honestly, ain’t nobody got time for that so I just have all seasons and all occasions out at once in my closet. And I have a tiny closet. So while I don’t do a capsule wardrobe, per se, I do only have pieces that I love, pieces that look good on me, and a few key pieces that transition well from one area to another or one season to another. But I refuse to limit it to a number for the sake of minimalism legalism.
  4. Tissue thin shirts: If I am buying a shirt, I don’t want to also have to buy another shirt to go under said shirt so that you don’t see my belly button and rib cage tattoo. Why are so many shirts see-through now!?!? Why?!?! Are we scrimping on fabric so much that it’s tissue paper?
  5. Rompers for women vs Rompers for Men/Romphims/Brompers: I love a cute romper on another woman, but I will never wear one. Ever. That is a whole lot of commitment to a piece of clothing. You are saying, from the time you put it on, that you are willing to get COMPLETELY undressed every time you have to pee, and also try to not let it puddle around your feet in a public bathroom with questionable floor cleanliness. No thank you. I will let Punkadoodle rock the ones that snap between the legs and let men wear the new Romphims that have the internets ablaze, since their anatomy actually makes perfect sense for a glorified onesie.
  6. Women’s sizes: in general, they suck. I am not the same size at hardly any two stores, even Gap/Old Navy/Banana Republic, which are OWNED BY THE SAME COMPANY. I literally have 7 different pant sizes in my closet (I counted). I don’t really care about the number, so long as my butt looks good in the pants, but it is quite frustrating to walk into a store and have to get 3 sizes of one pair of jeans because you don’t know how this store sizes their pants. And it’s not even consistent within the same store. I have owned several pairs of work pants and jeans from one name brand chain, and I don’t think I have ever bought the same size twice, including the time I bought the same pair of pants in two different colors in the same week! What the actual cuss, clothing stores? Can’t we just agree that a size is a size is a size and be done with it? No no, they want to use vanity sizing to lure us in. Whatever. I shop at Goodwill anyway (because the clothes will likely be ripped to shreds at work, so why bother paying full price?), so I just pull from my color sections.

 

I feel better now. Thanks for letting me get those out. Happy Hump Day!

 

Now why you fronting on me is that necessary/ Do I to you look like a lame/ Who don’t understand a [girl] with a mean shoe game/ Whose up on Dot Dot Dot and Vera Wang? -Jay Z

 

Grace and Peace,

Stevie

 

 

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